Luke Bryan pulls his videos from CMT over Jason Aldean debacle: \u201cFolks, it\u2019s time for the Bud Light treatment\u201d\n\n\n\n

A political scandal of a musical magnitude unfolded this week in Nashville, as the ripples of the Aldean-Bryan Country Music Television (CMT) clash reached Oval Office itself.\n\n\n\n

Indeed, in a bizarre twist of events, the President has been reported to cancel his CMT subscription (which literally no one though he had) in a symbolic act of \u201ctuning out the country noise\u201d.\n\n\n\n

As we speak, his staff is reportedly scrambling to replace the star-spangled banjo that hangs in his office with a tasteful jazz saxophone.\n\n\n\n

Luke Bryan, not satisfied with just pulling his own music from the CMT, has now issued a formal \u201cCountry Challenge\u201d to all his fellow artists. The challenge? To write a song about their own experiences growing up in small towns and the dangers that lurk there for unsuspecting out-of-towners.\n\n\n\n

Reports say that Billy Ray Cyrus is currently working on a sequel to \u201cAchy Breaky Heart\u201d called \u201cAchy Breaky Cart\u201d about a dangerous run-in at a rural Walmart.\n\n\n\n

Meanwhile, Toby Keith has taken matters a step further. Unconfirmed sources indicate that he\u2019s building a new network \u2013 \u201cReal Country Television\u201d (RCT), a platform allegedly committed to the \u201ctrue and uncensored representation of country life, where cowboys roam free, and Bud Light doesn\u2019t exist.\u201d\n\n\n\n

CMT Executive Vice President Joe Barron, facing the country music rebellion, stated in an official press release, \u201cWe have the utmost respect for the plaid flannel community, and we\u2019ll do everything we can to regain their trust.\u201d\n\n\n\n

Barron then hopped on his private jet adorned with vegan leather seats, flying to Macon, Georgia, to better understand the nuances of rural crime rates and convenience store etiquette.\n\n\n\n

In a twist as tangled as a tumbleweed, Macon citizens are using this opportunity to capitalize on their newfound fame. The mayor has started a citywide \u201cAldean Day\u201d celebrating the minor inconveniences of small-town life with an annual \u201cConvenience Store Run,\u201d where locals pretend to rob their own stores while tourists watch, and enjoy a BBQ.\n\n\n\n

Correspondent April Showers, still reporting from Macon, said, \u201cThere\u2019s a peculiar sense of pride here. As one local said, \u2018We don\u2019t have a Starbucks, but we sure as hell have the spirit.\u2019\u201d\n\n\n\n

Back at his 1400-acre estate, Aldean was spotted planting apple trees in an effort to create his own small town, aptly named \u201cAldeanville.\u201d Here, he envisions a safe haven where the only minorities are folks who prefer tequila over bourbon and believe cowboy boots are not appropriate for every occasion.\n\n\n\n

As for Bryan, rumors are swirling that he\u2019s in talks with literally any other beer company other than Bud Light for a personal beer line, cleverly named \u201cStriking Light\u201d as a tribute to his fight against CMT.\n\n\n\n

In a statement, Bryan said, \u201cThis isn\u2019t about me or Jason, it\u2019s about preserving the authenticity of our music and our flannel shirts. Also, everyone should get their own beer line.\u201d\n\n\n\n

These recent antics have sparked debates on whether country music\u2019s rebellion could influence other genres. Could we see Lil Nas X pulling his songs from Hip Hop Television (HHT) due to a lack of cowboy hats? Will Taylor Swift start her own network, SwiftTV, to express her serial heartbreaks uninterrupted?\n\n\n\n

The repercussions are yet to be seen. One thing is for certain: This battle is far from over. As Bryan confidently put it, \u201cThe spirit of country music is stronger than a bull in a china shop. And much like that bull, we will make our voices heard, one shattered plate at a time.\u201d\n\n\n\n

In the meantime, we\u2019ll all be tuning in, enjoying our Striking Lights, and waiting to see what other far-fetched developments this tale has to offer. Stay tuned. God Bless America. And God help Country Music Television.\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"